


Dean's Angel

by poeticfish



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - High School, Destiel - Freeform, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Fluff, High School, M/M, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-29
Updated: 2014-06-12
Packaged: 2018-01-21 05:21:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 21,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1539212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poeticfish/pseuds/poeticfish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean would like to think that his life is pretty normal. He spends his days going to school and spending time with his little brother while their dad is at work. But the nights are what make him think that maybe he's not so normal- the nightmares, specifically. Demons, ghosts, monsters... They're all he dreams about. Then someone new enters his life. A deep-voiced, occasionally clueless, seemingly emotionless kid with a trench coat who ends up changing everything.<br/>((completed))</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part One: Hey Jude: Chapter One (I)

_**I** _

_**Part One: Hey Jude: Chapter One** _

"Guess who's coming over?"

"Who?"

"Uncle Bobby!"

Sam smiled and jumped up, cheering. His older brother Dean just looked up at them from his notebook where he was writing down his latest dream in his messy handwriting that you'd expect any kid to have. This was something his dad told him to do- writing down his dreams was supposed to help him let it out and feel better. A lot of times, it didn't work, but he was ready to try anything.

"Aren't you happy, Dean?" their father, John, asked his oldest son.

Dean shrugged and nodded. He really did like seeing his dad's friend, Bobby, who they saw so much that they thought of him as their uncle. John forced a smile and left the room, thinking about how weird Dean had been acting lately.

"Hey, Dean, did you have another bad dream?" Sam asked, also worried about his older brother.

Dean looked at the six-year-old.  He was the only one he really told about his dreams, and he listened down to the very last detail.

"Yeah. I did. I'll be fine, though, okay Sammy?"

Sam nodded, not completely sure that he trusted him. Already Sam was getting pretty good at telling when Dean was just lying to make him feel better.

"He's here!" John called, and Sam started carefully making his way down the stairs. Dean sighed heavily and closed his notebook, following his brother.

"Hey, boys!" Bobby greeted as Sam ran up to him and put his arms up, expecting a hug. "It's been a whole week since I've seen you."

He hugged his youngest nephew and then looked at Dean. "And how are you doing? Have I been in any more of those dreams of yours?"

Dean nodded and then began to tell him about the dream he had last night. "Yes. You helped us catch another demon… It was scary."

Bobby gave John a concerned look. They knew Dean had strange dreams about demons and ghosts and other things that a little boy shouldn't constantly be dreaming about, and it had been going on for a while now. At first it was on and off, but it gradually became more frequent.

It wasn't until about a year later that John decided Dean needed more help than he could give him, and took him to see a therapist about it. The therapist said the dreams were definitely caused by Dean's mother dying in a fire several years back, and if John kept talking to his son about it, the dreams would eventually go away.

And as far as John knew, it worked. But really, Dean was just getting better at hiding things.

~

"Dean, wake up! Dean! DEAN!"

Dean's eyes shot open and he sat bolt upright in bed. Sam was shaking him and yelling his name to wake him up. Dean was trembling, and his breathing was heavy as well.

"You were screaming and kicking," Sam told him.  "You're lucky Dad is out, or he would have heard you."

Dean took a deep breath. "Thanks for waking me. That was… That was a bad one."

"Dean… This has been happening on and off for almost eight years now. Don't you think you should get help?" Sam asked.

The teenager shook his head. "Nope. I'm fine."

"You're such a liar…" Sam sat down on the edge of his brother's bed. "What was it this time, anyway?"

"It was... Nothing. Nothing."

Sam sighed loudly. "I'm keeping my promise. I haven't told anyone. But I'm really worried about you... You used to tell me everything."

"I'm sorry, Sammy. I just... I don't want to bother you with this crap," Dean replied. "I shouldn't have ever told you any of it. It scared you when you were little."

"Dean, I was six years old and you were telling me that you thought our mother was actually killed by a demon. So yeah, I was a little freaked out. But I'm not a kid anymore."

"You're only thirteen."

"And you're only seventeen!" Sam exclaimed. "I still want to be able to help you."

"It's late. We have school in the morning. Can't we talk about this tomorrow?" Dean replied.

"Fine. Goodnight," Sam said somewhat sadly, and slowly got up and left.

Dean wanted to go back to sleep, but he couldn't. He tossed and turned for what felt like hours, trying to think of anything,  _anything_  but the nightmare he'd been having before his little brother woke him up. It was horrible. Quite possibly the worst one yet. 

Some nights, they weren't so bad. There was a repeating dream he had about his mother- he saw her on the ceiling above Sam's crib as the room was slowly engulfed by flames. That dream came around every so often, just enough to make Dean feel truly insane. And then there were the dreams that he usually had, the ones about demons and ghosts and monsters. Those weren't always too bad, but they could get pretty terrifying. The good nights were the nights where he had absolutely no memory of his dreams. Those nights often happened all in a row for a while. Sometimes a week, sometimes even a month if he was lucky. Dean would be stupid enough to think it was all over and he was finally normal, and then the next night he'd have a nightmare that made him never want to sleep again. It was a cycle. A horrible cycle that Dean had sadly become used to.

But out of every nightmare he'd ever had, none were quite like that one. He couldn't really remember how it started (but then again, does anyone ever remember the beginning of their dreams?) but the rest was still way too clear. 

In the dream, he was being tortured. It was nothing but that, really. Nothing but pure torture, and Dean wasn't even exactly sure where he was- Hell, he was thinking. That part was harder to remember. He could practically feel the pain, though. But that wasn't the whole dream. The strangest part was definitely the ending. The torturing just suddenly  _stopped_ , and Dean found himself somewhere completely different. It was dark, but light enough to see that he wasn't alone.

_"Who are you?"_ Dean had asked.

He couldn't remember what the person looked like. He knew it was a male, and he remembered the answer- the person's name, the very last thing he heard before Sam woke him up. And that name stayed in his mind all throughout the rest of that sleepless night and throughout the next morning.

_Castiel._


	2. Part One: Hey Jude: Chapter Two (II)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And that was the moment Dean knew everything was about to change.

_**II** _

_**Part One: Hey Jude: Chapter Two** _

The next morning, Dean got up an hour before his alarm went off. He showered even though he usually did that at night (he figured it was better to go to bed clean) and then ate some cereal for breakfast. Sam got up and joined him in the kitchen as he was finishing.

"Good morning," Sam greeted tiredly.

"Morning," Dean replied. "What do you want to eat?"

Dean was completely used to being in charge in the mornings. John worked late a lot and the boys liked to let him sleep in. Dean didn't mind it- taking care of his brother had become normal.

Sam shrugged. "I don't know. Anything."

"Is cereal okay?"

"Sure."

Dean poured a bowl of cereal for Sam and then checked the time- 7:03. They'd have to leave in about ten minutes to make it on time for school.

"So… Did you go back to sleep last night?" Sam asked, breaking the silence.

"Yeah, for a few hours," Dean lied. He really had only gotten another half hour or so of sleep, but he didn't need Sam worrying about him.

"Good. Do you remember having any more bad dreams?"

"Nope."

That part was true. In that half hour, Dean had no idea what he dreamt about, and that was a beautiful thing to him. Still though, he couldn't forget that nightmare and the person at the end.  _Castiel_. What a strange name it was. Dean kept trying to think of where he could have heard that name before, but it really seemed like his dream was somehow the first time.

"Is everything okay?" Sam questioned.

Dean, who had been staring down at the table, looked up at him. "Yeah, I'm fine."

"You don't look fine."

"Relax, Sammy. Now hurry up and finish so we can get to school on time."

After Sam was done eating, Dean put his bowl and spoon in the sink and cleaned up quickly before they left the house and started walking to school. It was starting to get cooler outside since it was the beginning of autumn, but Sam and Dean didn't mind. They were used to walking in pretty much any weather. They didn't go to the same school because of their age difference, but Sam's middle school was just across the street from Dean's high school. It was convenient for them but it didn't help traffic problems after school, and it wasn't the greatest situation for bullying problems either.

None of that mattered to Sam or Dean, though. They weren't the types of kids to get into a lot of trouble at school (except for Dean occasionally). They were the types of kids to go to school and want nothing more than to be done with it. Dean hated it the most- there were times when Sam didn't really mind school at all.

Now, as Dean was walking with Sam, he really wished he didn't have to go to school. He didn't want to have to go  _anywhere._  Sure, it was going to be boring and he probably forgot to do some of his homework (or all of it) but he mostly didn't want to go because he was exhausted. Not the type of exhausted everyone feels on a Monday morning- Dean was so exhausted that he really thought he might pass out. He really found it to be a miracle that he was able to walk without collapsing.

Soon the brothers arrived at their schools and had to separate.

"Bye, Dean," Sam said.

"Later, Sammy. And you remember what to do if you have any problems, right?" Dean replied.

"Come and get you during lunch."

"And you remember what I'll do?"

Sam smiled wide, remembering the words his older brother had said to him many times. "You'll kick anyone's ass."

"That's right, and  _you_  won't tell Dad that I let you swear. See you in six hours."

Sam nodded and waved as Dean crossed the street to his own school.

It started out as a pretty normal day for Dean. He went to his locker and got the things he needed and went right to homeroom without talking to anyone.

That was the thing about Dean. He liked to make Sam think he was cool, but he actually didn't really have any close friends. There were a few people who were nice to him and sat with him at lunch and everything, but no one he would ever choose to spend time with outside of school or anything. Most of the time he was okay with that, though. People kind of annoyed him.

Homeroom was basically the same as always. Dean sat in the corner while everyone else was being loud and the teacher, Mr. Benedict, didn't really seem to give a crap. Dean sighed and took out his notebook. He hadn't gotten to write down last night's dream yet, and he figured this one  _definitely_  deserved to be written down. Every time he thought about it, he could practically feel the pain of the fake torturing he'd experienced. And of course, the ending, that name…

The possibility of this day being any different from any other one didn't even cross Dean's mind when the principal's voice came on the speaker of the classroom.

"Excuse me, I've got your new student in here. I'm sending him up," the deep voice announced.

"Alright," Mr. Benedict responded loudly, but even if those had been quality speakers there was a slim chance the principal would have heard him over the sound of all the kids yelling.

None of the students were surprised by the announcement, really. Mr. Benedict had mentioned the week before that they might be getting a new student. It wasn't like it was in elementary school when everyone got all excited about the possibility of a new classmate, though. Nobody really cared. It was just going to be another high school student for them to categorize.

Dean didn't notice when Mr. Benedict got up from his desk, even though that was a rare event. He didn't notice when his teacher stepped out of the room and didn't come back alone. However, when Dean looked up, it would have been impossible not to notice the kid now standing in the front of the room next to the teacher. It was obvious that he was very… Unique.

"This is the newest addition to our class!" Mr. Benedict announced with forced enthusiasm. "I'd like you all to make him feel welcome." He turned to the kid. "Now, why don't you tell everyone your name?"

He looked up from the floor, and Dean had never seen anyone like him before in his life. Messy brown hair, extremely blue eyes, and his  _clothes_! He was wearing a white dress shirt, a dark blue tie, black pants and shoes, and a freaking  _trench coat._  Dean couldn't believe it.

"Castiel," the boy said. "Castiel Novak."

And that was the moment Dean knew everything was about to change.


	3. Part One: Hey Jude: Chapter Three (III)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It gets weirder. Today we got a new student. His schedule was purposely made to be the same as mine, so I have to help him out and show him around and stuff, you know?"
> 
> "Okay… Dean, where is this going?"
> 
> "Well…"

**_III_ **

**_Part One: Hey Jude: Chapter Three_ **

Dean swallowed hard as the teacher said something to Castiel that he couldn't make out. He took a deep breath, hoping that somehow this was just a really weird coincidence. What else could it be? It couldn't possibly mean anything. Or, at least, that's what Dean told himself. And that's when the teacher called him over to his desk. Dean tried not to make eye contact with Castiel as he walked over.

"Yes?" Dean asked.

"There's something I need you to do," Mr. Benedict began. "I feel like you're the most responsible student I have, so I had them make Castiel's schedule the same as yours. It could change after a week or so, but I want you to help him out, okay?"

Dean nodded, and looked at Castiel. "Hi. I'm Dean."

"Hello, Dean."

"We have about ten minutes left," Mr. Benedict said. "Dean, would you take your stuff and show Castiel around a bit?"

Dean nodded and quickly grabbed his things. He stepped out of the room, closely followed   by his new classmate.

 _This is ridiculous,_ Dean told himself. First of all, he did  _not_  think of himself as responsible. And second, they couldn't do this. They couldn’t make it so that he was stuck with this kid.

"Are you actually going to show me around?" Castiel asked suddenly, snapping Dean out of his thoughts.

"Wh-what?" Dean stuttered.

"It seems pointless. I'm just going to follow you around all day. If that's alright with you, of course."

"Uh, yeah, sure," Dean replied. "Let's just take a walk then."

Castiel nodded in response, and they started walking silently. It was extremely awkward, and Dean kept trying to think of something to say. He nervously turned his head to look at Castiel, hoping to see some kind of sign that he felt at least a little nervous as well, but he looked completely calm. No, not exactly calm. He just looked emotionless. He talked without any emotion, too. It was a little strange, but not as strange as anything else about him.

"So… Did you just move here?" Dean asked, trying to make conversation.

"No. I just switched schools," Castiel responded.

"Oh. Why?"

Castiel was quiet for a few seconds. "Just stuff."

Dean nodded, understanding that he didn't want to talk about it. "So… Uh… Hey, is it okay if I call you Cas?"

Castiel nodded. "That's fine. My name is weird."

"I like it," Dean told him and, yeah, that was true. He did like it. "It's unique. But… Um… It sounds familiar. I'm trying to think of where I could have heard it."

"I think it's the name of an angel in the bible or something."

Dean thought of his dream again. The person at the end, was that supposed to be an angel? He didn't have any memory of ever learning about an angel named Castiel. He wasn't even religious. The whole thing reminded him of his mother, though- when he was little she would always tell him "angels are watching over you," and he thought about that sometimes. If angels were real they didn't  _seem_  to be watching over him. He really wished she were still alive. He wanted someone to tell him that again.

"Do you have a lot of friends?" Castiel questioned, and Dean was so deep in thought that he didn't even hear him. "Dean?"

He looked up quickly. "Hm? Sorry… What did you say?"

"Do you have a lot of friends?" Castiel repeated.

"Oh." Dean shook his head. "Not really. I think people ignore me. Why do you ask?"

"I was just wondering. Do you get lonely?"

"I don't… Uh… I mean… Sometimes, yeah. I guess. Don't we all? I have a little brother, though… We're close." Dean paused. "Do you have any brothers or sisters?"

"Yes."

That was the only answer Dean got, and he didn't feel like pushing for more. The bell rang, and Dean led Castiel to their first period class, which was history. It wasn't Dean's favorite class- most of the time he could barely stay awake because he found all of it to be extremely boring. Today, however, he was pretty sure that no matter how boring any of his classes were he had way too much on his mind to be very bored.

During class, Dean kept looking at Castiel, who was sitting a couple seats away from him. He noticed that he didn't talk at all, not even to answer questions, but he did look like he was paying close attention and he wrote a lot down. Definitely more notes than he was going to need. At one point the teacher called on him to answer a question and he immediately gave an unnecessarily long and intelligent-sounding answer that included a few long words Dean wasn't sure he knew the exact meaning of. So the first thing Dean figured out about him was that he was smart. Or maybe that was the second thing, the first being that he was kind of mysterious in a weird way.

Their next couple of classes were normal and equally boring, but Dean still kept an eye on Castiel. He learned that Castiel did not have a strongest subject and a weakest subject- every time a teacher called on him, the answer he gave was completely correct and usually more than what they asked for, and that was in addition to always being one of the first kids to finish his papers. Yet he never raised his hand, he only answered questions when he was forced.

During lunch, Dean showed Castiel the cafeteria and got food with him, then told him there was something he had to do.

"You're not eating?" Castiel asked.

"I am, I'm just going to eat outside… I need to talk to my brother," Dean explained. "I'll come back in like, ten minutes. I promise."

Castiel nodded, and Dean left. He felt a little guilty about leaving Castiel alone in the horrifying world of the high school's cafeteria on his very first day, but he desperately needed to talk to Sam. That was the best thing about having the middle school right across the street- both schools had a lot of freedom when it came to lunch, and on some rare occasions when Dean knew Sam would be eating outside he would surprise him by visiting. Usually it was when he knew Sam was having a bad day or after he knew Sam had some kind of stressful test or presentation or something. He would ask him how it went or if it was going to be after lunch, he helped him prepare and calm down. Today, though, Dean was the one who needed help. It was cool out, so he knew Sam would be eating outside, and he quickly crossed the street, trying not to be noticed. It took him a minute to spot Sam sitting on a bench.

"Hey, Sammy," he greeted, walking up to his little brother.

Sam's face lit up. "Hi, Dean!"

Dean smiled back at him and didn't comment on the fact that Sam was eating alone. He knew he didn't have a lot of friends- it must have run in the family or something.

"So, I'm freaking out a little to be completely honest." Dean sat down and rested his lunch tray on his lap like Sam was doing. "I needed your help."

"What is it?"

Dean took a deep breath before explaining. "Okay, so last night, there was a really weird part of the nightmare I was having. See, at the end, there was this guy. I asked him who he was and he said his name was Castiel, and that's when you woke me up."

"Weird," Sam said.

"It gets weirder. Today we got a new student. His schedule was purposely made to be the same as mine, so I have to help him out and show him around and stuff, you know?"

"Okay… Dean, where is this going?"

"Well… His name is Castiel."

Sam's eyes widened. "Are you psychic?!"

"No!" Dean exclaimed. "I mean, nothing like this has ever happened before. And the whole psychic thing, that's just a load of crap, isn't it?"

Sam shrugged. "Dunno. Maybe not. Are you sure your teacher didn't tell you his name ahead of time? Your subconscious could have just remembered it or something. Or maybe you heard it somewhere else. You know, the Angel of Thursday is Cassiel, or sometimes called Castiel."

"How'd you get to be so smart, Sammy?" Dean replied, shaking his head. "Anyway, I don't know. I thought I would have remembered a name like that if I heard it. You know, consciously. I have no idea. This is all really weird."

"You have to tell me every other detail after school."

"Of course." Dean turned and looked at his own school. "You know, I think I should go back. I promised Cas I wouldn’t leave him alone for long. It's his first day."

"Of course," Sam responded, nodding. "Bye, Dean."

"Later, kid."

Dean threw his untouched lunch (including the Styrofoam tray- yeah, it was that type of school) in a trash can in front of Sam's school, only holding onto an apple, before crossing the street again, preparing himself to finish his extremely interesting day.


	4. Part One: Hey Jude: Chapter Four (IV)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm going to tell you something about myself because I do feel like it's necessary for my friend to know this about me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to say thank you to anyone who's been reading, I really didn't think anyone would :)

**_IV_ **

**_Part One: Hey Jude: Chapter Four_ **

After lunch, the day went completely fine. Dean didn't notice anything else about Castiel, mostly because every time he looked at him he ended up staring and he was starting to feel like a stalker. Their last class of the day was gym, which was never one of Dean's favorites. He wasn't really athletic- he thought of himself as more of the type of person who knew way too much about classic rock music. Usually those types of people aren’t athletic.

Gym ended up being a class where Dean learned a lot about Castiel. It started out with him seeing him shirtless, and, okay, that was interesting. He didn't  _try_  to look- in the boys' locker room, you're going to end up seeing way more of certain people than you ever needed to, and it was unavoidable.

 _Okay, I just saw Cas shirtless._ Dean could feel his face get hot.  _I've known him for a day and I just saw him shirtless. Okay. That's okay._

But gym class revealed more about Castiel than what he looked like without his trench coat on. It was one of the last days it would be warm enough to go outside, so a bunch of extremely hyper students (gym class last period on a Monday, AND they were going outside?! Yeah, they were pretty hyper) rushed out of the school. The two gym teachers said there would be a game of football going on in the schoolyard while whoever didn't want to play could walk around the school in circles on the sidewalk outside the surrounding fence. Dean was  _not_  playing football and Castiel didn't like the idea much either, so they chose the option to walk. Other than them it was just most of the girls walking along with a few extremely skinny dudes.

"I'm really glad we don't have to play that," Dean said, watching the horrible game of football.

Castiel nodded in agreement. "So am I."

They continued walking, the cool breeze giving Dean's uncovered arms Goosebumps. He knew that after a few times walking around the school he would definitely not be cold, though.

"I feel very exposed without my coat," Castiel spoke up.

"I meant to ask, why  _do_  you wear that?" Dean questioned, looking at him.

"Oh, I don't know," Castiel answered. "It gives me a sense of security, I suppose." He paused. "That's probably weird, right?"

"No, I don't think so."

It got awkwardly quiet. Dean really couldn't think of anything to say, so he decided to just be completely honest.

"Am I annoying you? Because if I've been annoying you, I'll shut up," he blurted out.

Castiel gave him a confused look. "What are you talking about?"

"I just... I thought... I don't know. I feel like I've been annoying you."

"Why?"

"Because I've been talking to you all day and I don't usually talk to people very much and... Do you even  _like_  talking to me? You don't seem like you do. I mean, no offense or anything. It's not a bad thing. I'm not going to be hurt if-"

"Stop," Castiel interrupted, and Dean stared at him expectantly. "I'm sorry. I just felt like you were going to continue rambling if I didn't stop you."

"You're probably right."

"Now, to answer your earlier question, no. You are not annoying me," Castiel assured him, still speaking in his emotionless tone. "And to answer your second question, I honestly don't enjoy talking to anyone. But I enjoy listening. People don't talk to me much so it's a nice change."

"Oh." That was all Dean could manage.  _Oh._  He was trying so hard to convince himself that all of this was nothing and Cas was just some random new kid and none of it meant anything at all, but none of that was true. As much as he wished Castiel could just be a random, normal person that he was forced to socialize with, he knew that wasn't the case.

"Are we friends?" Dean asked after a long pause in the conversation.

Castiel looked straight ahead. "I don't know. I must warn you, I'm not experienced with having friends so there is no guarantee I'll be good at it."

"That's okay," Dean told him quickly. "I don't really have any friends so I'm not experienced, either."

"Then yes, I would consider us friends."

Dean really couldn't believe himself. This whole thing reminded him of kindergarten, where making friends was the easiest thing in the world. All you had to do was go up to someone and ask if they wanted to be your friend. That's almost exactly what he had just done, and this was not kindergarten. This was high school and high school wasn't supposed to be like this. 

After gym, it was finally the end of the day. Dean couldn't have been happier- it really was a long day. He got his things from his locker and met Castiel at his. Surprisingly, they didn't decide to give him the locker right next to Dean's- it would have made sense- and instead, he was just around the corner, right where the door that Dean always walked out of was. 

"You ready to go?" Dean asked. He figured walking out with Cas would be unavoidable.

Castiel nodded, slinging a black backpack over one shoulder, and they left. 

"Do you walk home?" Dean questioned.

"Yes. I go"- he pointed down the street- "that way."

"So do we," Dean replied, because of  _course_  they walked home the same way.

Sam came running up to them from across the street. "Hey, Dean!"

Dean smiled at him. "S'up, Sammy? Hey, I want you to meet my friend Cas. Cas, this is my brother Sam."

Sam's eyes went wide, because his brother's mysterious new friend had been the only thing on his mind since lunch. "Uh, h-hi."

"Hello," Castiel said.

"He's going to walk home with us," Dean told Sam, giving him a look that said 'don't you dare say anything stupid' and Sam just nodded.

And so they walked.

 _We've known each other for a day,_  Dean thought,  _and so far I've seen him shirtless once and participated in two awkward walks with him. What a lovely friendship._

They got to Sam and Dean's house first, and Sam let himself in with his set of keys so Dean could "say goodbye to his friend alone." Dean almost punched him for creating another painfully awkward situation for him to deal with. 

"Well," he said, turning to Cas, "I guess that concludes your first day at our crappy high school with your new friend."

Castiel was silent for a few dragged out seconds, staring right past Dean, not showing any emotion at all. He only spoke right when Dean was pretty sure he wasn't going to say anything at all. "Yes. Goodbye, Dean."

Dean hesitated before asking the question he so desperately wanted to ask. "Is something wrong?"

 _Don't ask stupid questions,_  Dean told himself because, yes, something was obviously wrong. He  found it a little strange that he had spent a whole day with Castiel and really knew nothing about his life. Well, except for the  fact that he just randomly switched high schools two months into the school year. What was the deal with that, anyway? Dean was pretty sure that wasn't a normal thing that people did. And when he asked Castiel if he had any siblings, the only answer he got was a simple "Yes." This had to be more than just not enjoying talking, right? But this wasn't the way Castiel was going to take the question, because when someone asks you if something is wrong, you don't assume they want to know if something is wrong in general. You don't assume anybody cares that much.

Castiel didn't answer right away. He looked at the sky, then the ground, then the sky again. Anywhere but at Dean. "I just don't want to go home."

"I know I'm an idiot for asking this, but why not?"

Castiel looked at him (finally) with a very serious expression on his face. "Dean, if I ever feel that it is necessary for you to know something about me or my life, then I promise I will tell you. But if it is not necessary, I will rarely tell you. Mostly for your own good. I hope that we can still be friends."

Dean searched his face as if he'd be able to find the answers he wasn't getting. "Yeah... Of course. Hey, I want to show you something."

Dean led Cas to the back of the house where his dad's car was parked. He honestly couldn't believe he was doing this, because he probably wouldn't do this with anyone else, except maybe Sam. But even with Sam, it would be difficult.

"You like the car?" Dean asked and when Castiel nodded, he went on to tell him about it. "It's a '67 Chevrolet Impala. It's my dad's, but it'll be mine some day. It's probably my favorite thing in the world." He opened the door on the driver's side. "Now get in, man."

Castiel wasn't sure what to say to that but when Dean got in on the driver's side, he quickly got in the passenger's side. Dean took a key- one that was kept separate from his house keys- out of his backpack and started the car.

"Uh, Dean, are we going somewhere?" Castiel questioned.

Dean started rummaging through a box of tapes that was kept on the floor of the car. "Nah, my dad is home. He's probably sleeping before work, but still. Too risky. He'd definitely take the key away if he found out. But driving is not why I asked for a key, and that's not what we're going to do." He found the tape he was looking for and put it in, pressed a few buttons, and then paused it. "I'm going to tell you something about myself because I do feel like it's necessary for my friend to know this about me."

"Alright."

"When I was little," Dean began, "I had the most amazing mother in the world. But when I was four, she died in a fire at my old house."

"I'm sorry," Castiel said.

"Thank you. But she always knew how to make me feel better when I was upset," Dean continued. "One thing she always said was 'angels are watching over you.'" He paused, wondering if Castiel was reminded of before, when he was explaining that he shared his name with an angel. But he didn't mention it and continued. "And she would always sing me a song... Her favorite Beatles song... I understand if you don't want to tell me what's wrong, but even if I don't know what it is, I want to at least try to help." He pressed the play button, and the song that was, to him, the most painful and comforting thing ever started playing. "It's called Hey Jude."


	5. Part One: Hey Jude: Chapter Five (V)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Was it a girl?" John questioned.
> 
> "No," Dean replied and in his head he added, /but The Beatles seem to think he is./

**_V_**

**_Part One: Hey Jude: Chapter Five_ **

Dean and Castiel sat there in the Impala, not saying anything to each other, just listening to the song. Dean felt his eyes start to water and he quickly wiped them with his sleeve, refusing to let Castiel see that. He focused on the lyrics that he knew by heart-

_Hey Jude_

_Don't make it bad_

_Take a sad song_

_And make it better_

Dean didn't know exactly what the words were supposed to mean, but he always thought some of them kind of applied to his nightmare situation.

_Remember_

_To let her into your heart_

_And then you can start_

_To make_

_It better_

Well, not that part. Not the parts that mentioned "her." Dean wasn't sure who "she" was, but as he listened, he looked over at Cas and thought that maybe those parts could apply to their little situation (even though neither of them were a "her").

_Hey Jude,_

_Don't be afraid_

_You were made to_

_Go out and get her_

Yeah, that definitely made sense. Dean kept listening, but now he was deep thought and only caught certain lines (such as  _don't carry the world upon your shoulders_ and _you have found her, now go and get her_ ), and he didn't even notice when the song ended. It was the last song on the tape, so they sat there in silence until Castiel spoke up.

"I don't listen to music very often, but that was beautiful," he said.

Dean was suddenly snapped back into the real world. "Oh, uh, yeah. It really is."

"Thank you for letting me listen to it. I enjoyed it very much. And I can see it means a lot to you."

"It does. You should listen to music more," Dean told him. "It's helpful, trust me. You'd probably like it. But you know, the good stuff. Classic rock. Not the crappy music they play now."

Castiel nodded. "Okay. I will try listening to music more often."

Dean smiled. "Good."

Dean wanted to see Cas smile, let him know that even if there was something horribly wrong there was still a part of him that could be happy. But he didn't smile. He just sighed.

"I should probably go home," Castiel said.

Dean turned the car off. "Right. See you tomorrow, then."

"Goodbye, Dean."

He got out of the car and Dean watched him start to walk away. Again he found himself hoping that he'd turn around to smile or wave or   _anything_ , but again, he didn't.

When Dean forced himself to get out of the car and go inside, Sam was doing homework at the kitchen table and their dad was cooking. That wasn't something that happened very often. John was usually way too busy or tied to cook for his sons. Most nights they ordered take-out or Dean made an easy meal. It was hard for John- during the day he worked long hours as a mechanic and at night he worked at a grocery store. In between the two jobs he did what he could around the house, but he was exhausted so Dean helped out a lot and let him sleep. But sometimes John just felt so bad about leaving his boys alone so much that he made time to cook and eat an early dinner with them before he left for work.

"Hi, Dean," John greeted and before Dean could say anything back he quickly added, "Sam told me you were with a friend."

"I was," Dean confirmed, putting his backpack on the table.

"Was it a girl?" John questioned.

"No," Dean replied and in his head he added,  _but The Beatles seem to think he is._

"Was it a... boy? Because... you know... that would be fine, too."

"I  _know_ that would be fine. And yes, it was a boy. But I'm not gay, Dad! Is it that hard to believe I have a friend?"

"Of course not, Dean," John responded and then mumbled, "Hormonal teenager."

Dean took an apple from the bowl of fruit on the table and went upstairs to his room. He had every intention of doing his homework, he really did, but then he figured, how could anyone do homework with this much on their mind? So Dean spent his afternoon listening to every AC/DC album he owned (which was, in fact, all of them) and didn't leave his room until it was time for dinner.

Dinner was uneventful for the most part. The only thing worth mentioning was the conversation John insisted on having about Dean's new "friend."

"So, are you  _sure_  it's not a girl?" he asked.

"I'm not lying, Dad."

"Okay, then. What's his name?"

"Cas."

"Cas!" his father exclaimed. "That's a girl name!"

"His full name is Castiel," Sam chimed in. "That's a boy name. I think his parents might have named him after the angel Cassiel, because he's sometimes called Castiel. That's the angel of-"

"Thursday," John finished quietly, and the brothers stared at him.

"Jeez, Dad, I'd expect Sam to know a useless fact like that, but how do   _you_  know that?" Dean questioned.

John shook his head, returning his attention to his food. "Nothing. It's nothing. Just something I learned from your mother."

There was silence for a few seconds until Dean spoke up again. "If it's something about Mom then I want to know."

John sighed and put his fork down, knowing Dean wasn't going to stop bothering him about this unless he explained. "Dean, your due date was on a Thursday. When we first learned that, your mother did some research. You remember what she always used to tell you, don't you? 'Angels are watching over you,' right? She had a thing with angels. Anyway, she did some research and found out that the angel of Thursday was Cassiel or whatever. She told me that angel specifically would be the one watching over you. You ended up being born a day early on a Wednesday, so I don't know. I just never thought I'd hear that name again. That's all."

And then it got silent again. Now Dean had a new theory of where he could have heard that name before- maybe his mother said it to him when he was little and he subconsciously remembered it, like Sam said. 

After dinner, Dean didn't do much. He attempted to finish his homework again but only ended up getting three math equations done. He decided to go to bed early seeing as he was more exhausted than he had been in a long time, and fell asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow. 

The dream he had wasn't exactly a nightmare. The first part was exactly the same as last night's dream- Dean was  _somewhere,_  he really wasn't sure where, and he was being tortured. It was just as bad as last time, if not worse, and then it suddenly just  _stopped_. He was in that same dark place again, that barn or whatever the hell it was, with that same person.

 _"Who are you?"_  Dean asked.

_"Castiel."_

" _And..._ What _are you?"_

_"I'm an angel of the Lord."_

_"There's no such thing. Now really, who are you?"_

_"...I'm the one who gripped you tight and raised you from Perdition."_

And that's when Dean woke up.


	6. Part Two: Freewill: Chapter One (VI)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It's 4:50. I had to be home by 5:00 at the latest." For the first time, he showed emotion- panic. "I have to go. I really, really have to go. I only meant to stay for an hour..."

_**VI** _

_**Part Two: Freewill: Chapter One** _

The next morning, Dean was up and ready for school an hour early. He sat at the kitchen table, writing down his dream in his notebook exactly the way it happened before he could forget a single detail. He was so lost in thought that he didn't even notice when Sam walked in and sat down at the chair across from him.

"What are you doing?" he asked, trying to see what Dean was writing.

"Jesus, Sammy!" Dean exclaimed, looking up. "Don't sneak up on me like that!"

"I didn't sneak up on you," Sam replied. "Are you in one of your weird moods?"

"What? No. I don't know. I'm really freaked out," Dean told him.

Sam immediately knew what that meant. "What did you dream about?"

"I... I had another dream about Cas."

Sam's eyes widened. "Really? What happened?"

"It was really... weird," Dean responded. "It started out with... with just... me. Getting tortured. But then it stopped, and Cas was there."

"And then what happened?"

"We just... We had this really short, really strange conversation. Here, I wrote it down." Dean passed his notebook to Sam, who started reading it carefully.

"Hm," Sam said quietly. "An angel of the Lord, huh?"

"It's crazy, right?" Dean just kind of shook his head before continuing. "And then he said he's the one who saved me from  _Perdition."_

" _Raised_ you from Perdition," Sam corrected. "And more specifically, he  _gripped you tight_  and raised you from Perdition."

"Right."

"Your subconscious is trying to tell you something." 

"You say that a lot."

"It's true."

Dean sighed. "Well, my subconscious definitely knows how Cas talks, I know that much."

Dean made some toast for himself and his brother and after they ate, they left for school.

"So," Sam said as they were walking. "Are you going to tell him?"

"What?"

"Cas. Are you going to-"

"No!" Dean exclaimed. "Of course not. He'd be... Really creeped out."

"I don't think so."

"Wouldn't you be?"

Sam shrugged but before he could actually say anything, they heard someone yell behind them.

"Dean!" 

They turned around and saw Castiel running to catch up.

"Hey, Cas," Dean greeted as he started walking in between the two brothers.

"Hello, Dean."

It got awkwardly quiet. Sam tried to think of something to say to break the silence, but he couldn't and just ended up fake-coughing. Dean was actually getting used to these uncomfortable moments and just stared at the ground as they walked.

FInally, Sam decided he had to do something. "So, Dean, how did you sleep?"

Dean gave him a warning look. "I slept fine."

"That's good," Sam replied. "You know, I can't remember what I dreamt about. What about you?"

Dean clenched his jaw. "Nope. Can't remember."

Castiel stayed quiet and Sam wondered if he should keep pushing Dean to say something. It was a stupid idea but in the end he decided, yes, he should.

"I guess it's good that you can't remember, Dean," Sam said. "I mean, it could have been a nightmare. I know you have those sometimes."

"What the Hell, Sam?!" Dean yelled.

"You have nightmares?" Castiel asked, tilting his head to the side. 

Dean looked at him. "Sometimes, yeah. It's nothing." He turned to Sam. "Nothing Cas needs to know about."

Sam glared at him. "You sure about that, Dean?"

"Yes, I'm sure."

They walked in silence until they got to school. 

"Well," Dean spoke up, "here we are. Later, Sammy."

"Yeah. Bye, Dean."

Sam crossed the street to his middle school, and Dean was left alone with Castiel.

"I'm sorry to hear about your nightmares," Castiel told him.

"Whatever," Dean mumbled. "It's nothing. Let's go."

Dean started walking to the entrance of the school. Castiel looked at the ground for a second before following him.

Dean got his stuff from his locker and slammed it shut a little harder than necessary, not waiting for Castiel to go to homeroom. He wasn't exactly mad at Sam- he was just irritated. Not just with his brother, either. With everything. He was irrited with himself, first of all. Why did he have to have these stupid dreams? He knew for a fact that normal people didn't dream about ghosts and demons and freaking  _angels._  But he was more irritated by the fact that out of everyone in the world, it had to be  _his_  house that caught on fire and  _his_  mother that died in it. And he was irritated because the night before it happened he watched a movie about demons and for the next four years he was convinced a demon killed her. But currently he was most irritated that Castiel chose to switch schools  _now._  In the middle of the school year. What was that all about? Who did that?! He could at least tell him why. He could at least tell him  _something_. 

But, of course, he was also irritated with Sam.

During homeroom he sat in the back of the classroom, and Castiel sat next to him. Cas's eyes were wider than usual as he looked around at his extremely loud classmates.

"Dean, is it always like this?" he asked.

Dean nodded. "Yeah."

"Why doesn't the teacher do something?"

"I don't know, Cas."

"Isn't that part of his job?"

"I don't know, Cas."

"Do they even care that they're acting so immaturely?"

"I don't know, Cas!"

Castiel got quiet and looked down at his desk.

Dean sighed loudly. "I'm sorry. It's just... One of those days."

"My apologies, Dean."

"Why are you apologizing?"

"I was being annoying."

Dean wanted to tell him that he wasn't and he realized that he was the one being a dick, but he just sunk down in his chair and played with his pen. 

It ended up being an extremely long day. Dean didn't go see Sam during lunch, and he barely talked to Castiel. Cas didn't really mind, but he kept thinking he was doing something wrong. 

After school was finally over, Sam, Dean, and Castiel walked home in silence. When they got to Sam and Dean's house, Sam went inside first again. He told himself it was to let Dean say goodbye to Cas alone, but really, he just wanted to escape the uncomfortable situation. Dean didn't really say anything and Castiel just kind of stared at the ground.

"Hey," Dean began quietly. "I... I was wondering... do you want to come inside?"

Dean wasn't exactly sure what made him ask that. it could have been the memory of Castiel saying he didn't want to go home the day before, or maybe it was because he wanted to be a good friend. Or maybe he just wanted him to stay.

"You... You actually want me to?" Castiel replied.

Dean nodded. "Yeah, why wouldn't I?"

"I thought you would want to be alone."

He shrugged. "To be honest, I don't really. I think... I don't know... It would be nice if you came inside. I mean, we're friends. Friends do that."

Dean thought that Castiel would finally smile, but he didn't he only nodded. "That would be nice. Thank you, Dean."

So the two of them went inside, and Dean threw his backpack into the corner, telling Cas he could do the same. He then led Castiel to the living room where he got a bit of a surprise.

"Dean, look who came over!"

Sam was sitting on the couch and next to him was the only person Dean could have been happy to see.

"Hey, Uncle Bobby, what are you doing here?" he asked, smiling.

"I just wanted to come see my boys," Bobby replied happily. "I see you've got a friend, Dean."

"Oh, yeah, this is Cas. Cas, this is my uncle."

"Hello," Castiel said to Bobby, who smiled brightly in response. 

To Dean's surprise, they actually had a good time. They all talked in the living room for a little while, and then Dean took Cas to his room where he introduced him to Led Zeppelin, AC/DC, and a few of his other favorite bands. 

Suddenly, Castiel looked at the clock, and his eyes widened. "D-Dean?"

"Yeah, Cas?"

"It's 4:50. I had to be home by 5:00 at the latest." For the first time, he showed emotion- panic. "I have to go. I really, really have to go. I only meant to stay for an hour..."

"Crap, you should have told me. Are you going to make it if you leave now?"

"M-maybe... If I run..."

"No way. I'll have Bobby give you a ride. C'mon."

They rushed downstairs, and Dean explained their situation to Bobby.

"Why don't you take him in the Impala?" Bobby said. "Your dad's asleep, and I'll take the heat if he ever finds out, which he won't. You got your license, it's a waste if you don't use it. Take your friend home."

"Seriously?" Dean asked. 

"Yep, you got my permission."

Dean thanked him and ran out the door with Cas. They both got in the car and Dean, a little nervous, started driving, letting Castiel tell him where to go. He drove a little too fast so they would make it and realized if Castiel had been forced to walk back, he'd never have gotten there in time. His walk to school was much longer than Sam and Dean's.

"So, uh, why is it so important for you to get home?" Dean questioned.

Castiel was looking out the window. "I uh, I'll tell you another time. That's my house, right there."

Dean pulled up outside the house. It was normal looking- white, and somewhat big. Castiel immediately opened the door and took his seat belt off.

"Hey, Cas?" Dean said.

"Yes?"

"Um... Thanks for coming over. It was... I had fun. I needed that."

"I enjoyed it, too. Goodbye, Dean."

Dean waved, and Castiel got out of the Impala and ran to his front door. Just like last time, he didn't look back to wave or anything.

Dean had a new goal- make Cas smile.


	7. Part Two: Freewill: Chapter Two (VII)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I... I wanted to apologize, Dean."

_**VII** _

_**Part Two: Freewill: Chapter** **Two** _

The week was not very eventful. John didn't find out about Dean driving the Impala and Dean's dream about Castiel only repeated once.

By Friday, Dean fully considered himself and Castiel to be friends. It was no longer an awkward 'the-teacher-wants-me-to-be-nice-to-him' situation; Dean really did enjoy his company. They talked to each other during lunch and in between classes, met up at each other's lockers at the beginning and end of most days, and Castiel even came to Dean's house after school again. When Mr. Benedict asked them if they wanted Castiel's schedule to be switched around a bit so they had a few classes apart, they both said they were completely fine with the way it was. Dean didn't mind being stuck with Cas anymore.

Friday was pretty much a normal school day. Dean took Cas across the street so they could eat lunch with Sam, which they all enjoyed. After school the three of them walked home together and, like every other day, Sam went inside first.

"You wanna come inside?" Dean asked. This wasn't a weird question to ask anymore, and he was glad about that.

"I do, but I actually can't today."

"Okay. See you Monday, then," Dean replied. That would mark one week since they met.

Castiel shifted uncomfortably. "I... I wanted to apologize, Dean."

"Apologize? For what?"

"You invite me over every day and I have not once invited you to come to my house."

"Oh, Cas, you don't have to apologize for that. You know I would never-"

"I know," Castiel interrupted. "I'm not finished. I just felt like I should give you an explanation."

"You really don't have to," Dean assured him and then remembered Castiel's promise- if there was ever something he felt was necessary for Dean to know, he'd tell him- and he silently added,  _but it would be nice if I could know something about you._

"Well, I'm going to anyway. I just... I don't really think you would want to come over. Not because of me or anything- I don't think- but because of my  _house_."

"Cas. We can have a lifelong friendship without me ever seeing the inside where you live. It really is fine."

"I'm still not finished. See, I know that going to each other's houses is something that friends do," Castiel continued. "And it is for that reason that I am inviting you to come over after school next week. On Tuesday."

Dean blinked a couple times, not sure what to say about being invited to a house he was told he wouldn't want to go to. "Uh..."

"Don't answer right now," Castiel said quickly. "You can, you know, take some time to consider it. Whether your answer is yes or no, I will be fine. I understand that I may have made it sound... Unappealing."

 _You didn't make it sound like anything,_ Dean thought.  _You didn't tell me shit._  "Okay. Sure, Cas. I'll uh, consider it."

Castiel nodded. "That's good. Goodbye, Dean."

He turned to walk away, but Dean stopped him. "Hey! Wait."

"Yes?" he asked, turning back around.

"I... Um, if you want to, like, come over this weekend... I don't have any big plans. You don't have to of course but if you're bored or whatever you can take a walk over. I'll be here."

"Thank you. I'll remember that, Dean."

And then he left. Dean made a mental note that he still hadn't seen Castiel actually, fully smile yet- so much for his goal. There had been a few times throughout the week when Dean would hold a door open or say something mildly funny or something amusing would happen in class and the corners of Castiel's mouth would twitch as if he was  _going_  to smile, but he never actually did. That was the closest Dean ever got and it was more than a bit frustrating. And that wasn't the only thing that was frustrating. After five days of not only knowing but being friends with Cas, Dean really still didn't know anything about him. In fact, the only things he knew for sure was his name and the fact that he wore a trench coat. Well, there was also the fact that he had a sibling. Or maybe more than one sibling. Still no details on that.

Dean sighed and went inside. It was oddly quiet in the house- John was most likely sleeping and Sam was probably in his room doing homework. It was like that for the next few hours, except now Dean was blasting Metallica in his room, which broke the silence. Just a little.

John eventually woke up and had to leave for work, and Dean ordered a pizza for himself and Sam. He had to wonder what Castiel was doing right now. It was dinner time- was Cas eating? Did his parents cook? Did he even live with both of his parents? Maybe his night was going similar to Sam and Dean's. Eating fast food alone with his sibling(s), feeling kind of miserable but knowing he couldn't show it for the sake of his brother(s)/sister(s) and his parent(s). Or maybe fast food was a treat for him. Some families were like that. Most often it was the ones with both parents. They would order take-out as a treat every so often and eat together, probably in the living room while they watched TV- another treat. But then there was the  _other_  type of family. The type of family that usually just had one parent who wasn't home a lot. They wouldn't have time to cook, so they'd order take-out for the kids or the oldest would order it after they left. To those kids, fast food didn't symbolize a treat from their parents- it symbolized loneliness. And those kids didn't eat in the living room because it was a special thing they were allowed to do sometimes- they ate in the living room because when the loneliness began, they thought having no parents around would be cool, and ate in there because they  _could_. Then they got used to it and the kitchen table became nothing more than a place for them to put papers and toys and wrappers and other junk. For them, that symbolized loneliness as well.

Dean wondered what category Castiel's family fell under.

The rest of the night was pretty boring. Sam went to bed at around 10:00 and Dean stayed up watching movies and ignoring his backpack full of homework. He really did try to focus on the movie he was currently watching, but he kept thinking about Cas. Would he actually come over? Why wouldn't Dean like his house? Why did he invite him over on a Tuesday? It was so random and specific.

 _This is getting ridiculous,_ Dean told himself but still, he eventually fell asleep on the couch thinking about Castiel.


	8. Part Two: Freewill: Chapter Three (VIII)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Hey, man, are you okay?"

_**VIII** _

_**Part Two: Freewill: Chapter Three** _

Dean wanted to sleep late on Saturday. He really, really did. Usually that was something he could do- if he stayed up late enough on Friday night, he could sleep right through Saturday morning. But the week had completely worn him out and he was so mentally drained that he fell asleep an hour after Sam did, not even making it through the first movie that he planned on watching. So the next morning, he was up by 9:00- not as early as on a weekday, but not as late as a seventeen-year-old should be sleeping. He woke up, still on the couch, and stretched. He knew his dad was home- he usually got home around 6:00 in the morning- but he also knew he was definitely sleeping. In a few hours John would have to go to his  _second_  job as a mechanic. He never got Saturdays off. However the next day, on Sunday, he'd only have to work for about two hours during the day. He'd work at the grocery store all night again though- it was open 24 hours a day, every day. 

Dean yawned and went into his room. He'd never changed out of his clothes the day before and he was incredibly uncomfortable. He took off his jeans and tee-shirt, replacing them with sweatpants and one of his dad's shirts that was a few sizes too big. He always thought clothes were the most comfortable when they were oversized.

He figured showering could come later and slowly, lazily dragged himself back to the living room, flopping back down on the couch. Although he spent a lot of time alone, this morning felt strangely nice- he had the house to himself, but he wasn't technically alone. The two people he loved most were still there, sleeping peacefully, and they'd be up soon. But for now, it was quiet. there was a little bit of light shining through the window of the living room and the kitchen was still kind of dark, and it was very comfortable. Dean felt like he could actually relax for a while and just  _rest_.

And that's when someone knocked on the door.

It was only a soft knock, and Dean groaned when he heard it. He rolled off of the couch, wondering who could possibly be at the door right now. He tiredly dragged himself into the kitchen and opened the door, more than a little surprised by who he saw. 

"Cas?" he said slowly. "Hey, man, are you okay?"

There was that stupid question again. He couldn't help asking, though. Dean had never seen Castiel like this before. He was wearing a baggy blue tee-shirt and grey sweatpants- definitely still in his pajamas- but he still had his trench coat, of course. The blue in his eyes looked extremely vibrant against his much more pale than usual skin, and his eyes were a little red as well, with very dark bags under them. However, they were still as wide as ever. His dark hair was messier than it normally was and to sum it up, Castiel was just a mess.

"Hello, Dean," he said, his voice deeper than usual and cracking a bit. "I apologize for coming at what is probably an inconvenient time. I just didn't want to be home and I had nowhere to go."

"It's fine, it's fine. Come on in," Dean replied, stepping to the side so he could enter the house and then closing the door behind him. Dean led Castiel to the living room where they both sat down on the couch in the pile of pillows and blankets Dean had left there.

"So... Should I even ask what's going on at home? Will I get an answer?" Dean questioned.

Castiel, who had been doing a fairly good job of keeping up his emotionless expression, now looked slightly distressed. "It's just... There are times when it gets very bad there. I've never had anywhere to go where I could escape from it until I met you."

"Oh." Dean paused. "What do you mean by bad? What kind of bad?"

"It's nothing for you to worry about."

"I just want to make sure that you're not getting... You know..." Dean trailed off, thinking Cas would understand what he meant.

Castiel just stared at him blankly.

"Like, abused, Cas."

"Oh, no," Castiel answered quickly. "I can understand why you might get that impression, but I am not getting physically hurt. Not ever on purpose, at least."

"What do you mean by  _that_?"

"Accidents happen. Just don't be worried about that, okay? I'm not getting abused."

They sat there in silence for a few seconds and then, Castiel spoke up again.

"Oh, Dean, I forgot to tell you. I brought something." He took a tape out of his coat pocket. "I thought you might want to borrow it so you can listen to it in your father's car."

Dean smiled. "Where'd you get that?"

Castiel hesitated before answering. "My brother gave it to me."

"You have a brother!" Dean exclaimed. "That's awesome, Cas. What kind of music does he like? Are there good songs on this?"

Castiel nodded slightly. "I told him I wanted to listen to music more. Classic rock, just like you said. He told me it was about time I started listening to the good stuff and then he gave me this. He also said you must be pretty cool. Anyway, I like the songs on there."

Dean's smile widened, and he decided not to push for a name. This was the most Castiel had ever said about any family or anything. "You know, I'd love to listen to it. But only with you." 

"Really?"

"Of course. You seem like someone in need of a little time to just sit in an awesome car and listen to good music."

So, Dean took Cas outside to the Impala. After they both got in, he started the car and put the tape in. It started out with a Queen song.  _Not bad,_  Dean thought, nodding to himself in approval. It got even better from there- three of his favorite AC/DC songs right in a row.

"Any special song you want me to skip to?" Dean asked, turning to look at Cas.

Castiel immediately took a crumpled piece of notebook paper out of his pocket and looked at it. "Number fourteen, if you don't mind."

Dean skipped to fourteen and "Freewill" by Rush started playing. 

"Hm, you like this song, Cas?"

"Yes. Very much, Dean," Castiel answered, nodding. "I guess it's just... The whole idea, you know? The idea of choosing freewill, choosing to be completely free. I like it. And I like the song."

"It's a good one," Dean agreed quietly, spacing out a little. He'd heard the song a couple of times before but never really paid much attention to it. It was good, sure, but now, as Cas talked about why he liked it and seemed to relax a bit as he listened to it, Dean's opinion of the song changed. It was now  _amazing_. 

_You can choose a ready guide_

_In some celestial voice_

_If you choose not to decide_

_You still have made a choice_

_You can choose from phantom fears_

_And kindness that can kill_

_I will choose a path that's clear_

_I will choose free will_

The song ended, and another song that Dean didn't quite recognize (but liked the sound of) started playing.

"Your brother had good taste in music," Dean said.

Castiel nodded, looking down. "Yeah. He does."

They listened to a few more songs (including "Freewill" one more time, just for Cas) before Castiel decided he should go.

"You don't have to go," Dean told him. "Really, I like having you here."

"Thank you, Dean. But I can't stay. I'll see you soon."

"Okay. Bye, Cas.

Dean slouched down in his seat as Castiel left, right after a "Goodbye, Dean," like always. What did he mean when he said he  _couldn't_  stay? There was a possibility that Dean was over thinking everything, but he really didn't think so. What the hell went on at Castiel's house?

With a sigh, Dean turned the car off, shoving the key into his pocket and walking back inside.

He had to wonder if Castiel would be coming back again before the weekend was over. His first visit was so unexpected and only mildly enjoyable- he just seemed so  _sad_. Every other time Dean could remember seeing him, he looked almost completely emotionless. This time, though, Cas looked like he was about to burst into tears any second. But he held it back. Maybe that was why he left. Maybe he had to cry.

Dean really had no idea what was happening. He knew for a fact that having a friend was not supposed to be like this. He didn't know what was going on with Cas- he hadn't known since he first talked to him. But he knew one thing- he was  _definitely_  going to Castiel's house on Tuesday.


	9. Part Two: Freewill: Chapter Four (IX)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I swear to God if you mess with my baby brother I will /fuck. You. Up./ Now who are you, you absolute fucking douche?"

_**IX** _

_**Part Two: Freewill: Chapter Four** _

Castiel didn't end up coming over again. The weekend actually went pretty normal- Dean only had one bad nightmare about a demon and that was it. He couldn't remember any other dreams he had, but he didn't exactly have the most restful nights. He slept fine, sure, but he was constantly thinking about Tuesday and what could possibly be going on at Castiel's house and why any of it mattered to him at all. When you fall asleep over-thinking everything like that, it's never a very restful sleep.

On Monday, nothing especially exciting happened during school. Sam and Dean met up with Cas on the way like they'd gotten so used to over the past week and when Sam crossed the street to his own school, Dean and Castiel wasted no time getting into their high school, getting their things from their lockers, and being the first ones to arrive in home room. It was always a little awkward being the only students there with the teacher, but it was definitely better than when everyone else was there- Dean and Cas found them to be so annoying.

"So, Dean, how have you slept?" Castiel asked.

Dean, a little shocked that this was how he was choosing to start the conversation, put down the pen he was playing with to look at his friend. "Uh, fine, Cas. You really don't have to worry about that. Sam shouldn't have told you about the nightmare thing."

"Why do you think he did that?"

Dean thought of how much Sam thought he should tell Cas that he dreamt about him before, but he decided not to mention that and just change the subject entirely. "I don't know. But I've made my decision."

"About what?"

"Coming to your house. I would love to."

Castiel nodded slowly. "Alright. But I don't want you to feel as if you have to. I won't be hurt if-"

"No, no," Dean interrupted. "I thought about it and I really, really want to. Tomorrow after school, right?"

"That is correct... But..."

"What is it, Cas?"

There was a pause.

"Nothing. I suppose you'll see everything for yourself."

Dean had to stop himself from asking what that meant. He knew he wasn't going to get an answer- he'd just have to be patient.

The rest of the day went by quickly. Dean and Castiel didn't eat with Sam at lunch- the weather was starting to get pretty cold, so unfortunately, Sam probably wouldn't be eating outside much anymore. After school, Dean and Cas were some of the first ones out just like they were some of the first ones in. They waited outside for Sam like always, but it took him a little longer than usual. Dean looked around at everyone out of pure boredom and spotted someone he'd never seen before. That was strange, because Dean usually recognized everyone, even the kids from the elementary school. But the kid leaning against the fence with the army green backpack, he was new. 

"Hey, you ever seen him before?" Dean asked Castiel, nodding towards the guy.

Castiel looked in that direction and his eyes seemed to widen a bit. "I don't know, I'm still new. But Sam is taking a very long time. Would you like me to cross the street and make sure he's okay?"

"I'm sure he's coming, you don't have to do that," Dean answered. "It's a nightmare over there. There are so many people."

"But Sam never usually takes so long."

"If you're really that worried, I'll go with you. Just let me make sure I have my-"

"No, I'm going to go over there right now," Castiel said quickly, already starting to walk away. "I'll be right back."

"Okay, then..." Dean said and watched as Castiel practically ran across the street.

"Hey!" Dean heard someone say, and turned around. "I noticed you were talking to my brother."

It was him. It was the kid with the army green backpack. He was short- shorter than both Dean and Cas- but he looked like he was at least as old as them.

"You're... Cas is... Cas is your brother?" Dean asked, confused.

"Yes. And who are you?" he questioned.

"I'm... his friend. Dean."

"His friend!" the kid exclaimed. "Ha. That's funny. Now seriously, who the Hell are you and why'd Castiel run away from you?"

He sounded really pissed off, so Dean took a step back. "I swear, we're friends! He went across the street to get my brother."

"That's not funny!" he yelled, taking a few intimidating steps towards Dean. "Cas doesn't  _have_  friends. I don't know who you are but I know what you're doing. I may not look very strong but I swear to God if you mess with my baby brother I will  _fuck. You. Up._ Now who are you, you absolute fucking douche?"

"I swear, I'm his friend," Dean repeated. "He comes over my house almost every day after school. He let me listen to the tape you gave him! That was you, wasn't it? He said it was from his brother. He liked the song Freewill. By Rush, I think. I'm the one who told him to listen to music more."

Castiel's brother's eyes softened a bit and he looked like the thought of murder had now left his mind for the most part. "Oh. You're that kid. Cas has never mentioned you other than that one time. What's your name, again?"

"Dean. Dean Winchester."

"Winchester. Like the gun."

"Yeah, like the gun. Now what's your name?"

"Gabriel."

There was an awkward silence. Dean had a million questions, but decided he should start with something simple first. 

"Cas has never mentioned me, huh?" he asked. "Don't your parents ask him where he goes after school?"

"Well, our dad wouldn't even know he was gone. He didn't stick around. And Mom's too busy to be curious about that."

"Sorry," Dean said quietly, trying to process all that. Cas had a deadbeat dad and a mom who didn't have the time for him. 

"Don't apologize to me," Gabriel responded, leaning back against the fence. "Castiel has been through the most shit out of all of us, I think."

Dean was about to ask who 'all of us' was when he heard Sam yelling behind him.

"Cas! What's  _wrong_  with you? I want to go home. Come on."

Dean turned around to see Sam approaching them, dragging Castiel by his wrist. Cas's face was slightly red and he wouldn't make eye contact with Dean.

"Gabriel," Castiel said in a voice that sounded a little too broken, "what are you doing here?"

"Half day, remember?" Gabriel answered. "I just thought I'd come by and see your new school. Looks like I get to walk with you and your new friends. They aren't giving you any crap, are they?"

Castiel quickly shook his head. "No. Not at all."

Gabriel nodded. "Then shall we walk?"

It was a very awkward walk. Dean didn't offer for Cas and Gabriel to come inside because he  _really_  wanted to be done with this day and just be left alone to think way too much about everything. Plus, he wasn't sure he wanted Gabriel in his house- he still scared him a little. But mostly, Dean was just confused. Incredibly, horribly confused. 

And that night, he dreamt about something terrible.


	10. Part Two: Freewill: Chapter Five (X)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean didn't say anything- he just stood there with wide eyes trying to understand what the Hell was happening. This was not at all what he was expecting.

_**X** _

_**Part Two: Freewill: Chapter Five** _

The next morning, there were only two things on Dean's mind- the fact that it was Tuesday, and his latest nightmare. He really should have been happy that it was finally Tuesday, the day he got to go to Castiel's house, but he couldn't be happy. His dreams usually had that effect- they sucked all the happiness out of him.

It was really bad. Dean would not be exaggerating to say that it was one of the worst dreams he'd ever had. See, there was no torture. He was cut up and bruised, but he couldn't remember why. That part didn't really matter, anyway. The bad part was what happened to Sam- Dean couldn't remember how or why, but he was gone. Dead. Cas was there, too. Dean could remember kneeling on the ground and just sobbing, looking up to see Castiel, and then thinking that he had someone left, he  _actually_  had someone left. But Castiel fell to the ground, coughing up blood. And then it was over. That was it. There was just something about the dream that made Dean really upset whenever he thought about it.

So, he tried not to think about it. But that didn't work, of course. He woke up early the next morning and went straight to Sam's room. He just wanted to see him, make sure he was okay. Dean sat down in the middle of the floor, Indian-style, covering his face with his hands and wondering what the Hell was wrong with him. What kind of person would dream that their little brother, the person they loved the most and always tried to look out for,  _died_? That couldn't be normal. But, then again, he did dream that demons killed everyone else he loved. So maybe it wasn't the strangest thing in the world. But then, of course, the part with  Cas... That was extra disturbing.

He stayed there, sitting on the floor in the middle of Sam's room, his face in his hands. He was there for a good ten minutes or so, and then he decided to go make breakfast before his brother woke up. That would have been a hard thing to explain.

Sam and Castiel both noticed on their walk to school that something was not right with Dean. He was extremely quiet, quieter than even Castiel, and no matter how hard Sam tried he just could not keep a conversation going. 

"So, uh, what class do you guys have first?" Sam asked. 

"Math," Castiel told him simply.

Sam exhaled- they didn't give him much to work with. "I have gym. Sucks, right?"

"Gym makes me feel uncomfortable," Castiel agreed. "I don't like changing when there are so many other people around and I can't even wear my coat."

"You know, I don't think I've ever seen you without your trench coat," Sam said.

"Perhaps some day."

And that was the end of that conversation. Once Dean and Castiel got to school and went to homeroom, Castiel sat down at his desk and stared at Dean, looking very thoughtful.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Dean asked slowly.

"You haven't spoken much," Castiel observed.

"Yeah. I know. I'm just not in the greatest mood, okay, Cas?"

"Would you prefer to cancel our plans?" Castiel questioned. "You know, after school?"

Dean shook his head. No matter what, he could not miss this opportunity. "No. I still want to come over."

"Okay." Castiel tilted his head slightly to the side. "Are you not in the greatest mood because you had a nightmare?"

"Cas..."

"Or is it something else?"

"Cas. I don't want you to worry about that, alright?"

Castiel was quiet for a few seconds before answering. "But I can't help it. I understand if you do not want to tell me, but it may make the situation easier if you talk to someone."

 _You should learn to take your own advice,_  Dean thought, but only nodded. "Thanks."

The day went by incredibly slowly. It was torturous for Dean- he really just wanted it to be over so he could finally go to Castiel's house and finally maybe learn something about his life. The only things he knew were the things Gabriel told him, and that wasn't much. So, when the last bell rang telling everyone that their last period class was over, Dean bolted and Castiel had no choice but to keep up with him until they got outside and met up with Sam.

The walk home was even quieter than the walk to school. Sam didn't even attempt to make conversation- he'd already learned how useless that was. When they got to Sam and Dean's house, Dean said goodbye to his brother.

"Later, Sammy. I'll be home in a couple hours, okay? Don't bother Dad." 

Sam nodded. "Bye, Dean."

Dean and Castiel continued walking. Dean remembered what the outside of the house looked like from when he drove Castiel there in the Impala, but he didn't realize it would take so long to walk there.

"Wow, Cas, you walk far every day," Dean said.

Castiel shrugged. "It's not that bad."

They finally arrived, and Castiel took his keys out of his pocket. He sighed as he unlocked the door, and Dean nervously shoved his hands into his pockets. When Cas opened the door and stepped to the side to let Dean go in first, everything seemed pretty normal. Dean found himself standing in Castiel's living room. No one seemed to be home and it was really quiet.

Until it wasn't.

"Cas! _CAS_!"

Dean looked up to see a little girl, maybe seven or eight years old, with red hair running towards them.

"What?" Castiel asked calmly.

"Gabe broke my doll," she replied, pouting.

And then Gabriel came in, holding a doll in one hand and its arm in the other. "You asked me to put the stupid freaking dress on the Goddamn thing and I did. I mean, I tried. It's not my fault Mom has to buy you the cheap dolls."

"Oh no!" the little girl screamed. "Are we gonna be homeless like Zac said?!"

Castiel rubbed his forehead, as if he was getting a headache. "I'm going to kill Zac."

Dean didn't say anything- he just stood there with wide eyes trying to understand what the Hell was happening. This was not at all what he was expecting. Castiel did not just have a brother, apparently. Now there was a sister and _another_ brother, and possibly more for all Dean knew. And from the way Gabriel and the little girl were looking at  Castiel, he guessed Cas was the one who was in charge. He was the one everyone came to when they didn't know what to do, but that wasn't fair, was it? Maybe sometimes he didn't know what he was doing himself.

"Leave the doll on the table. I'll fix it later."

The little girl sighed, but she nodded and left the room, taking the broken doll from Gabriel.

Gabriel shrugged and then just seemed to notice that Dean was there. "Oh, look at that. Winchester-like-the-gun."

Dean managed a small smile. He was still a bit terrified of Gabriel, but he seemed to be important to Cas, so he had to be okay. Plus, he had good taste in music. That was one of the only important things.

"That was my sister, Anna," Castiel explained, snapping Dean out of his thoughts. "We should go to my room. Everyone is home from school and it's going to get very... Irritating."

Dean nodded, and followed him upstairs. There was a long hallway with a dirty white carpet and quite a few different doors, all closed. There were a couple with hand-drawn signs on them- "GABE/ZAC," "Anna and Rachel's Room," in neat cursive handwriting, and then one at the end with no sign. It was light brown against the white walls just like the others, but there was a small splatter of blue paint on it. Dean had to wonder how that got there.

Of course, that was Castiel's room. Cas opened the door and when Dean looked inside, the first thing he saw was a blonde teenage girl lying on the bed and talking on the phone.

"Rachel," Castiel said. "Please leave."

The girl rolled her eyes and told whoever she was talking to to hold on, and then covered the part you talk into with her hand. "But Cas, Anna wouldn't get out of our room. I only wanted a few minutes alone."

"Well, she's not in there now. Please leave," Castiel repeated.

She sighed loudly and got off the bed, stomping out of the room, not even looking at Dean. Castiel closed the door behind her, and they heard Anna shriek.

"ZAC! HELP HER!" Castiel yelled.

Dean heard a door slam and a new voice shout, "FUCK YOU, CAS!" followed by loud footsteps going down the stairs.

"He seems lovely," Dean said.

The bags under Castiel's eyes seemed darker as he sat down on the bed. "I'm not very close to all of them. Gabriel is the only... I think... I mean, I know they must love me or something, because we're family, but... I don't think it's like it is with you and Sam."

Dean nodded understandingly and sat down next to him. He thought about how he really did do a lot for his brother, but Sam would always be grateful. Always. Castiel probably did so much for his brothers and sisters and what did he get? Whining and screaming and invasions of privacy and a loud "fuck you."

"Sometimes Gabriel understands and he talks to me," Castiel continued. "I don't enjoy talking about things much, but the listening part is okay. I think he gets that. So he tells me things and he makes tapes and I listen because I'm good at it. I think you get that, too. I'm sorry. You don't need to know all of this."

"No, no," Dean replied quickly. "I like when you tell me this stuff. So I guess I should tell you something. To be fair." He paused. "I was upset because of a nightmare, but coming here made it not-so-bad."

"I'm glad," Castiel responded. "And about your dreams, Dean, please don't let them take over. I guess it's like the song. Choose freewill, right?"

Dean looked down and nodded, and he felt a million different things. And he looked at Cas, the boy in the trench coat who didn't smile and was a fan of Rush, and he only wished those blue eyes could tell him more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> End of Part Two! That means only five more chapters. By the way, for anyone wondering, my other story (The Hunter Games) is on hold until this one is over. ^.^ Thanks for reading!


	11. Part Three: Angel: Chapter One (XI)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Maybe it's you, Cas! Maybe Dean is trying to figure you out and you're not letting him."

_**XI** _

_**Part Three: Angel: Chapter One** _

Dean didn't go back to Castiel's house after that. He had a few dreams about it, though- strange dreams, not nightmares. He dreamt about Castiel more than he'd like to admit. Sam noticed that ever since Dean got home from Castiel's house that day, he'd been acting very different. Dean never really told him why. He said there was really no reason. That, however, was a _complete_ lie. He locked himself in his room a lot, blasting music and ignoring all his homework that just kept building up. He talked a lot less, even to Sam, and spent more time in the Impala. He acted even stranger and just generally sadder on Thursdays. And there absolutely was a reason, there was a reason for all of it. He couldn't get Castiel out of his mind and he couldn't get any of the things that had happened since he met Castiel out of his mind, either. He kept wondering what his life was actually like with all those brothers and sisters to look out for (Cas was obviously the most mature one) and he kept wondering what other things Castiel hadn't told him. 

Eventually, Sam got tired of Dean acting this way. He got tired of seeing his brother act so sad and feeling like he couldn't do anything about it, so he decided to take some action. One day after school, when the three friends were walking home and arrived at Sam and Dean's house, Dean was about to go inside and Sam told him he was going to stay out and take a walk for a little while just to clear his head. Dean gave him a strange look, but shrugged and went inside.

"Well, goodbye, Sam," Castiel said. "Unless you'd like to walk with me for a few minutes. I don't mind."

"Actually, I didn't really want to take a walk," Sam admitted. "I kind of just needed to talk to you about something."

"Oh. What is it?"

Sam took a deep breath, not totally comfortable with talking to his brother's friend like this. "Have you noticed that Dean has been acting a little strange lately?"

Castiel looked thoughtful. "I suppose he has been acting a bit different."

"He seems depressed or something, right?"

"Yes... Depressed... Or something."

"I don't know what to do," Sam continued. "I'm worried about him. He's never done this before."

"I'm very sorry you have to go through this, Sam," Castiel said and although he honestly meant it, he kept his emotionless expression.

Sam nodded a bit. The longer he talked to Cas, the more nervous he got. He barely ever talked to him when Dean wasn't around. "I was actually wondering if you could help me out. I mean... You guys are best friends, and maybe you could, like, talk to him or something."

Castiel's eyes seemed to widen a little. "Y-yes... That is what friends do... What do you suggest I say?"

"I don't know, Cas. I'm trying really hard, I always try to be there for him, but I don't think I do a very good job."

Castiel was silent for a few seconds. "You're so open."

"...Huh?"

"Nothing. You do an excellent job. Dean is lucky to have you. I will make an effort to help him," Castiel promised.

"Thank you," Sam said quietly. At this point, Castiel was his last hope.

And Cas tried so hard. He spent hours trying to think of what he could possibly say to Dean and he looked desperately for a good time to say it. But nothing ever seemed right, and he was so inexperienced with the whole talking thing. He much preferred listening- he could have a conversation with Dean or sometimes even Gabriel for _hours_ without saying more than a few sentences. But starting that conversation, being the one to take the lead and ask the questions, that was close to impossible for him.

When Dean's behavior didn't change, Sam decided to have another chat with Castiel, so he used the 'taking a walk' excuse again after school one day.

"Have you tried talking to him?" he questioned hopefully.

Castiel looked down. "Yes. But I haven't been very successful."

Sam suddenly felt a thousand different negative emotions. He was upset and hopeless and very angry, not necessarily with Castiel but with himself. "I need him to be okay!"

"Calm down," Castiel told him.

"I can't!" Sam practically yelled. "I just... I can't  stand here and let my brother go through this and... There's no way I can help him! I am _begging_ you, Cas, I need someone to help me. I feel... Really, really powerless and just Goddamn horrible..."

Castiel had to squeeze his eyes shut and open them again before he was able to reply- it was all he could do to keep his eyes from  watering. He was absolutely not going to cry. "I really do apologize, Sam. You're a good brother. I... I've been trying, I swear I have. I wish I could make you understand..."

"Understand what?!" Sam demanded with tears in his eyes. "I don't understand _anything_ about you! And I don't think Dean does, either! Maybe it's you, Cas! Maybe Dean is trying to figure you out and you're not letting him."

Castiel was silent, so Sam continued.

"I'm sorry, but really, how can you expect to have any friends like this?! You're not even telling me what I don't understand! And I get that you've probably had a crappy life, but it hasn't been exactly the easiest for us either, you know? The last thing Dean needs is someone who... Someone like... Like you!"

Sam was practically hysterical now, and Castiel continued to just look down and let him finish his rant. When nothing but Sam's crying filled the air, he finally looked up. What he saw was a horribly upset and mentally drained little boy who just wanted to help his brother. The things he said were out of anger, and although Castiel understood that, he couldn't help but think maybe he was right. How could he have any kind of relationship with anyone like this?

"I agree," Castiel said in a broken voice. "I'm going to go. Goodbye, Sam."

And he started walking. Sam didn't stop him, and he knew that now he just screwed things up even more- which only motivated him to want to fix everything even more. No way could he give up now- he had to help Dean. That was all that mattered.

That night, he decided to have his own conversation with Dean.

"Dean, do you even know anything about Castiel?" he asked slowly as they were sitting down to eat.

"What? Of course," Dean answered, not making eye contact.

"I was just curious... Why'd he change schools?"

Dean froze. That was one of the many things he still often wondered about Cas. "I don't know, Sam. I guess I don't know much more than what Gabriel told me."

Sam's eyes widened as he got an idea. Gabriel. _Of course._


	12. Part Three: Angel: Chapter Two (XII)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was probably one of the worst ideas he'd ever had, but even knowing that, he didn't hesitate.

**_XII_ **

**_Part Three: Angel: Chapter Three_ **

  
Sam had an idea. He couldn't go to Dean for this problem, obviously, and going to Castiel didn't exactly work out. So who was he supposed to go to? Who was someone who also had a brother that acted weird but had more experience with dealing with that type of thing? Gabriel. He fit the description perfectly. Castiel acted weird all the time, and Dean had told Sam all about his first time meeting Gabriel. He obviously cared about Castiel way too much to just ignore his brother's strange behavior.

Now, the only issue was getting to talk to him.

He figured the only way was to go to their house. But in order to do that, he needed to know where they lived. And the only way to find _that_ out was to get the address from Dean, which was not going to be easy.

Sam sat next to his brother on the couch after they had finished dinner, trying to gather all the courage he had in order to ask the question he needed the answer to. "Hey, Dean... What's Castiel's address?"

His brother gave him a strange look. "Why do you want to know that?"

"Cas said his brother could help me with my history report sometime. It's hard. He said you would give me the address."

Dean still wasn't convinced. "Which brother?"

"Gabriel," Sam replied. He knew Castiel had other siblings- Dean had told him that- but he couldn't remember any of their names, and he didn't know if they would be the type of people who would help a middle school student with his history homework.

Dean didn't answer right away. "...221B Baker Street."

"That's not funny."

"It's a little funny."

"Dean, seriously," Sam begged.

"Alright, alright." Dean grabbed a pen and a napkin from the coffee table and quickly scrawled something on it, then gave it to Sam. "Here. That's the right address."

Sam thanked him and went to his room. He wasn't going to bed, though, he was just waiting for Dean to fall asleep. He knew his brother well enough to know that it wouldn't take long- even though it was Friday, Dean had gotten up early for school that morning and probably didn't sleep much the night before, so he was going to be exhausted. Sam was right, too- he was asleep within a half hour, before 9:00.

Sam decided that if he was ever going to do this, he had to do it now. It was probably one of the worst ideas he'd ever had, but even knowing that, he didn't hesitate. This was for his big brother, and he knew he definitely screwed things up between Dean and Castiel, too, just because he had freaked out. Sam knew he had to do this.

So, he cautiously and silently left the house, making sure to grab Dean's key in case he got locked out. He really hoped Dean wouldn't see that he was gone because that would _definitely_ scare the crap out of him, but he doubted that he would even wake up. Sam shoved his hands into the pockets of his black hoodie and started speed walking down the street in the direction Castiel always went. He was trembling from nervousness and from the cold, and after a minute or so, he felt hot tears roll down his freezing cheeks because, wow, he had _really_ screwed up just with the intention of helping Dean. He gripped his brother's key tight in his pocket since it was the only thing he had to hold on to. He kept increasing the speed of his walking until he was practically running, desperate to get to a place where he could be warm and talk to someone. What he really wanted was to go home, but he couldn't. He'd come way too far now to go back.

Finally, after what seemed like forever, he got to Castiel's house. Immediately Sam ran up to the door and knocked loudly, completely ignoring the fact that it was kind of late and people could be sleeping.

It was Castiel who opened the door. He looked tired and somewhat depressed, and he was still fully clothed, trench coat and all. When he saw Sam, his eyebrows shot up. "Sam? What are you doing here?"

"Cas... I'm so sorry... I didn't mean it," Sam said, breathing heavily and realizing that he was practically sobbing. "I... I n-need help... I'm so sorry..."

"It's alright," Castiel said quietly, lightly putting a hand on the younger boy's shoulder.

"Cas, who is it?" a voice yelled from inside.

"It's Sam," Castiel replied loudly. "Sam Winchester. Dean's brother."

There was a pause, and then Gabriel appeared in the doorway next to Castiel. "Jesus, kid, what's the matter? You're a mess!"

Sam wiped his eyes with his sleeve, still crying. "I... I need help..."

"Hey, it's freezing out. Come inside," Gabriel told him. "Cas, there was hot chocolate left over from earlier, right? Get him some of that."

Castiel nodded and left, and Gabriel pulled Sam inside, closing the door behind him. Sam immediately felt better from the warmth of the house and the fact that the Novak brothers actually seemed concerned about him.

"It's just me and Cas right now, so it's much quieter than usual," Gabriel explained. "Rachael and Zac are at their friends' houses and Anna is sleeping at her dad's place."

"You have... Different dads?" Sam asked quietly, and immediately regretted it.

Gabriel didn't seem affected by it, though. "Yeah. It's complicated. See, Zac and Rachael are the oldest. They have the same dad, but he left. They still see him sometimes. Then came me, and then Cas, and we have the same dad, too. I dunno where he is. And Anna was the most recent... Her dad stayed for a couple years and left when she was five."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. Shitty things happen to everyone, right?" Gabriel replied.

Sam looked down. "My mom died when I was a baby."

"That's sad."

Castiel came back in, holding a light blue mug that he handed to Sam, who was now sitting on the couch next to Gabriel.

"We were showing Anna how to make hot chocolate earlier," Castiel told him. "Don't worry, I warmed it up. I think it turned out pretty good."

Sam smiled and thanked him, and Castiel put his hands in his pockets.

"Why are you here?" Cas questioned, tilting his head a bit. "Not that I mind or anything."

"I'm sorry for ruining your night," Sam responded. "I just... I wanted to apologize. The things I said were horrible and absolutely not true. And honestly, I kind of needed to talk to Gabriel."

"Oh." Castiel didn't sound all that surprised- he sounded just as emotionless as always. "Then I'll allow you to do that. And apology accepted, by the way. Thank you. It is very much appreciated."

And that was it. He left to go to his room and do whatever it was that Castiel did when he was in his room.

"You need to talk to me?" Gabriel asked.

Sam nodded, taking a sip of his drink. "Yeah... Gabriel, I..."

He kind of trailed off, and Gabriel raised an eyebrow. "You can call me Gabe, you know. And before you confess your love for me, you should know that I don't really swing that way."

"That's not what I'm doing!" Sam exclaimed. "I need help."

"Yes, you mentioned that before."

"It's Dean. He's depressed, I can tell. But I don't know what to do, because he won't talk to me. I asked Castiel to talk to him, but he couldn't. I figured... You know... Maybe you'd have some experience with this kind of thing..."

Gabriel just looked at him for a second. "How old are you?"

"Thirteen."

"You're too young to be stressing yourself out about this. Dean wouldn't want that if he knew what you were doing to yourself."

Sam felt his eyes water again. "Dean is all I have. I can't just not help him."

Suddenly there was a loud banging on the door. Gabe told Sam to hold on and got up to answer it. When he opened the door, Sam looked up in time to see Dean push past Gabriel and run over to Sam, hugging him tightly and almost spilling the drink in the process.

"Jesus, Sammy," he said quietly, his voice cracking. "I'm gonna kill you. Don't ever do that again. Don't."

Sam burried his face in Dean's shirt. He didn't say anything, he just silently cried, holding on tight to his brother with his free hand.

And as Castiel watched from the kitchen doorway, unnoticed, he felt his own eyes tear up.


	13. Part Three: Angel: Chapter Three (XIII)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Do you even know the shit we've been through?!" Gabriel yelled. "The shit /he's/ been through?! Sorry if he's not the most talkative person in the world, but his life is Hell!"

_**XIII** _

_**Part Three: Angel: Chapter Three** _

"He just came over here," Gabriel told Dean. "We weren't trying to, like, kidnap your brother."

"It's fine," Dean replied, letting go of Sam. "Thanks for letting him in and stuff."

"No problem."

"Oh, hello, Dean," Castiel spoke up, entering the room as if he hadn't just been watching from the doorway the whole time. He made sure to wipe his eyes first, of course. 

"Hey, Cas," Dean greeted. "Sorry if we kind of ruined your night."

"Not at all," Castiel assured him. 

"C'mon, I'll walk you out," Gabriel offered, and the brothers followed him out the front door. When they were standing outside the house, Gabriel looked at Dean. "Hey, can I talk to you for a minute?"

Dean nodded and turned to Sam. "Start to walk a little and I'll catch up, okay?"

Sam nodded and started walking. Dean pulled the hood of his sweatshirt up, sighing as he turned to look at Gabriel. "What is it?" He really wasn't in the mood to have a chat with Castiel's older brother who once threatened to kill him.

"Your brother is worried about you, man."

Dean didn't answer, so Gabriel continued.

"Seriously, Winchester. I don't know what goes on in your life and I don't know why you've been all pissed off lately, but he's so worried about you. He showed up here sobbing. You know what being an older sibling means? It means if you're upset, you hide it! It means if  _they're_  upset, you notice it! No matter what kind of Hell you go through you don't do anything that will scare them. Everything you do is for  _them_!"

"I've been doing that since he was born! Practically everything I do is for Sam! And, I mean, it looks like you're doing a  _great_  job of it with Cas," Dean shot back. "He's  _constantly_  depressed! What do you do for him, huh?"

"Do you even know the shit we've been through?!" Gabriel yelled. "The shit  _he's_  been through?! Sorry if he's not the most talkative person in the world, but his life is Hell!"

"How would I know that?! He tells me literally nothing, and-"

"Well, then. Allow me to educate you," Gabriel interrupted. "Would you like to know why he switched schools? It's because at his old one, people kept making fun of him and physically hurting him. I didn't even know about it until one day he finally punched a kid in the face. And that's just his school life. At home, he's forced to keep track of every one of us and make sure nothing horrible happens because even though Zac and Rachel are older, they don't do shit and they're the most immature people I've ever met. Half the time when they go out with their friends we get a call from the cops, and Cas has to sort it out because our mom is almost never home. I try to help out, but he barely accepts any help at all. Says he should be able to handle it. And, you know, I'm not much better than Zac and Rachel. The only difference is that I actually give a shit about Cas." Gabriel paused and when Dean didn't respond, he took it as a sign that he should keep talking. "None of us had the greatest childhoods, but he seemed especially tortured. He would always ask where his dad was and when Mom said she didn't know, he said one day he would find him. And when Mom had to start working more after Anna's dad left, he cried every night. Watching someone go through that, especially when it's your own brother, that's really horrible, Dean."

"I'm sorry," Dean replied quietly. "I didn't know any of that."

"I know. Look, just take Sam home, okay? You look exhausted. Go get some sleep."

Dean nodded and started running to catch up with his brother without another word to Gabriel. At the mention of sleep, he heard Gabriel's earlier words replay in his head-  _"No matter what kind of Hell you go through you don't do anything that will scare them."_ It made him wonder why he ever told Sam anything about his nightmares, and  _that_  thought made him realize that the nightmares tonight would probably be really bad. _  
_

He was absolutely right.

~

 _I can't believe I'm doing this_ , Dean thought as he was walking down the street early the next morning. He had left a note in case Sam woke up saying that he was getting coffee, but that was a lie. He was going to talk to Castiel. He just felt like it was something he had to do, even though it would be extremely rude. This just couldn't wait until Monday.

Dean slowed down, wondering if maybe he should just turn back while he could. And that's when he saw Castiel turn the corner.

Cas looked as surprised as Dean felt. His blue eyes were wide and he was wearing a black tee-shirt with grey sweatpants- pajamas, probably. However he still, of course, had the trench coat on.

"Hello, Dean..."

"Hey, Cas," Dean greeted not-so-cheerfully. "Up early, I see."

"I never went to sleep."

And then Dean noticed the dark bags under his eyes, and didn't question that statement at all. Now that he had said that, Dean realized that Castiel looked like the exact definition of sleep-deprivation. "Why not?"

"I don't know. Insomnia, I suppose," Castiel replied. "I was actually going to come talk to you."

"Same here." Dean paused. "You say your thing first."

Castiel shifted uncomfortably. "What did Gabriel tell you?"

"He, um... He just told me some things I've been wondering for a while."

"Things about me?"

Dean looked away from Cas. "Yeah. Just a few things. It wasn't bad or anything."

"He told you why I switched schools, didn't he?" Castiel questioned. 

Dean nodded slightly, but gave no other answer.

There was an awkward silence, and Castiel was the one to break it. "What were you coming to talk to me about?"

"Come on. Let's go to my house. I'll tell you there."

So they started walking, and it didn't take them very long to get to Sam and Dean's house. When they arrived and Dean unlocked the door, they were greeted by both Sam and John sitting in the living room, already dressed and watching TV.

"Hey, Dean! Good morning," John greeted.

"Dad, why are you awake?" Dean asked, confused. 

"Got a call from my boss saying I've got the day off. Me and Sammy thought it would be nice to go visit Uncle Bobby." He then seemed to notice that Castiel was there. "But if you'd like to stay here with your friend, that's fine."

Dean nodded. "Yeah, I think... I'm really tired, I kind of want to stay home."

John understood, and he and Sam left shortly after that. Dean sighed and looked at Castiel.

"Well, Cas... I think we need to talk."


	14. Part Three: Angel: Chapter Four (XIV)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Oh my God, Cas," Dean said quietly, and then began to speak more urgently. "I am so sorry! Oh God. Cas... I..."

**_XIV_ **

**_Part Three: Angel: Chapter Four_ **

Castiel put his hands in the pockets of his trench coat, sitting down on the couch next to Dean. He didn't show it, but he was nervous-  _we need to talk_  was one of his least favorite things to hear.

"About what?" he asked quietly.

"Everything." Dean paused, thinking about how he could start this conversation. "Cas, look. We're friends. I don't know why I care about you as much as I do, but I can't help it for some reason. Whether it's the fact that there's obviously just something about you or the fact that I really needed a friend when you showed up, or most likely both, I don't know. I just think you're really friggin' awesome and I would probably die for you, okay? And... I don't know if you know this, but I would never talk to anyone like this unless I considered them family and was really worried about them."

"Worried..?" Castiel echoed. "You... have no reason to be worried, Dean."

Dean just kind of stared at him, because he knew he was lying, and he really wasn't sure what to say. "I don't think that's true."

Castiel took a deep breath, remembering the things Sam had said to him before about him being the reason Dean was upset. "I think it may be beneficial for us not to be friends anymore."

"Are... Are you kidding me?"

Castiel stayed quiet and stared down at the floor.

Dean pressed his lips together. "Wow. Since day one, not only have I tried to make switching schools easier for you, but I've been completely open with you like I never am with anybody. Even when you told me nothing, I told you about everything that was a big part of my life. The nightmares. My mom. My relationship with Sam. Everything. And now, are you even going to tell me  _why_  you don't want to see me anymore?"

"It's not what I want!" Castiel replied defensively. "I'm just thinking of what would be best... for you."

Dean really couldn't believe him. After he was the one to try and help out the weird new kid and after he thought Castiel was someone he could trust, not to mention pouring his heart out to him on mulitiple occasions, he was just going to leave him. And Dean would once again be left with no one but Sam, the person he tried so hard for. But he was messing that up, too.

And all Dean could feel was anger towards Cas, the person he considered family, the person he cared about so Goddamn much for some reason. So that was the moment that Dean completely lost control of his anger. And that was the moment that he did something he would always regret for the rest of his life.

Because that was the moment Dean punched Castiel in the face.

He didn't mean for it to happen, it just did, and he immediately wished he could take it back. At first, Castiel just froze, and then he quickly stood up, holding his cheek that was sure to have a bruise on it soon.

"Oh my God, Cas," Dean said quietly, and then began to speak more urgently. "I am so sorry! Oh God. Cas... I..."

Castiel's eyes were wide and tears threatened to spill out, but Cas absolutely would not let them.

"I can't believe I just did that," Dean continued. "I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry..."

Castiel's mouth was open like he was about to speak, but no words came out. A noise that was close to a whimper did, but that was the only sound he made. He started to slowly take backwards steps away from Dean, who was also now standing up.

"Cas, say something, please," Dean begged, almost ready to cry himself.

Castiel just kind of shook his head before he spun around and ran out of the house, slamming the door behind him. Dean fell to him knees on the floor and figured that since there was no one there to see him, he may as well let it all out. So he sobbed more than he ever had before, covering his face with his hands, unable to move from his position on the floor. It was like that for a good ten minutes or so before he finally forced himself to get up and go to his room, turning on the radio to listen to whatever tape he'd left in there. Music wasn't even going to be able to make him feel better, but it was all he could do.

_I'm alone_

_Yeah, I don't know if I can face the night_

_I'm in tears and the cryin' that I do is for you_

The song that came on was "Angel" by Aerosmith. Immediately Dean's eyes were watering again because if there was any song in the world that could explain how he felt at the moment, this was the one.

_I want your love - Let's break the walls between us_

Well, maybe not that part. Dean wasn't in love with Cas. Obviously, he wasn't. Nope, definitely not in love. Not at all. Not even a little.

_Don't make it tough - I'll put away my pride_

_Enough's enough- I've suffered and I've seen the light_

Dean froze. Well, maybe just a little. Wait, what? Nope.

_Baby_

_You're my angel_

_Come and save me tonight_

_You're my angel_

_Come and make it all right_

Well, whether he was in love or not didn't matter. The chorus of the song made everything quite clear- Castiel was the only one who'd ever be able to make everything all right for Dean, because he was his angel.

If that wasn't obvious before, it was now, and Dean knew he had to go after Cas. He would never be able to live with himself if he didn't. So he quickly ran out the front door and started speed walking down the street in the direction of Castiel's house. The thought of Gabriel finding out what he had done and beating the shit out of him briefly crossed his mind, but it didn't slow him down at all.

He made it to Castiel's house in record time and immediately knocked on the door somewhat softly since it  _was_  still early. Anna was the one to open it.

"Oh! You're Cas's friend," she said.

Dean nodded. "Yeah, and I really need to talk to him."

The young girl frowned. "He said he was going to your house."

"He did, but he left a little while ago, and... I forgot to tell him something." Dean paused. "Is he not here?"

Anna shook her head.

Dean, who was still kind of out of breath, rubbed his forehead. "Shit. Okay, that's bad. Um, Anna, is Gabriel here?"

"No, after my daddy brought me home this morning he left to get Rachael from her friend's house. She didn't come back when Zac did."

"Okay, so you're alone with Zac?" Out of all of Castiel's older siblings, Dean would feel the least comfortable talking to Zac.

Anna nodded. "Yes, but he's sleeping. Gabe told me he's gonna have something called a hangover."

"Great. This is perfect. Okay, I'm going to look around for your brother a little, okay?" Dean said to Anna. "I'll bring him back. Okay?"

Anna smiled. "Thank you!"

Dean faked a smile and left after saying goodbye. Once he started walking further down the street he realized how bad this really was. Castiel should have been home. Where was Dean even going to look?

He checked all the little stores and coffee places that Castiel could have walked to in that amount of time, but Cas wasn't at any of them and when he asked the workers if they'd seen a boy in a trench coat they all said no. Dean started to feel truly scared. Would he have to call the police? He checked in with Anna again to ask if Castiel had come home, but he hadn't, so Dean promised to keep looking. He was running out of options, though, so he started to walk to his favorite coffee place. He desperately needed caffeine.

And when he was almost there, that's when he spotted Castiel in an alley. But he wasn't alone.

And Dean was about to find out that Castiel was hiding so much more from him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only one more chapter now! Thank you to everyone who's been reading!


	15. Part Three: Angel: Chapter Five (XV)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I think the thing I'm scared of the most... More than ghosts and demons and monsters... Is losing you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this is it, this is the last chapter. I just want to thank anyone who read any of this. I'm actually sad that it's over- when I've been upset lately, writing this made everything better. But anyway, enjoy.  
> And by the way, the end of this chapter was written while listening to "Angel" by Aerosmith. I don't suggest reading it any other way, honestly.  
> ~c.j.f.

_**XV** _

_**Part Three: Angel: Chapter Five** _

As soon as Dean saw Castiel in that alley, he froze. He really had no idea what to do at first.

It was a horrifying scene. Castiel was being held against a wall by some taller kid, who had another guy on either side of him, so three in all. Castiel had some blood dripping from a cut on his forehead and Dean noticed one guy was holding a knife. They all seemed to be yelling things at him and when one guy punched Cas hard in the stomach, that was when Dean decided enough was enough. He had killed plenty of demons in his dreams, how hard could this be?

"HEY!" Dean yelled, running straight towards them and trying to sound as intimidating as possible.

The two that weren't holding Cas against the wall immediately bolted, but the other guy just looked at him. He let go of Castiel, who immediately feel to the ground.

"And what the fuck do you want?" he said to Dean.

"Leave him alone," Dean told him sternly. 

"Oh, you gonna make me?" He took a pocket knife out, flipping it open so Dean could see the blade. 

Dean felt a wave of fear, but he shook it off. This was for Cas. He could do this. "Yeah. I am."

"Dean," Castiel choked out, struggling to get up. "Don't. This doesn't involve you."

Dean looked at him, and that was when the guy came at him with the knife. Dean ducked at the last possible second and backed away a bit, but one more look at Cas on the ground with a bloody trench coat, unable to even stand up, and that gave him all the confidence he needed. The next time the guy tried to take a swing, he ducked again and punched him in the face as hard as he could, so hard that it hurt his hand quite a bit. 

"Shit!" the guy cursed as some blood trickled out of his nose. "God-fucking-dammit..."

And Dean wasn't totally sure what to do next, so he did the only thing that he was sure would work- he kicked the guy in his... lower regions, and that made him fall to the ground.

Dean smirked a little, bending down. He grabbed the pocket knife- the guy gave it up easily, obviously dealing with a lot of pain.

"And that's what you get when you fuck with my friend. Now I suggest you run, or I'll use this"- Dean started dangling the knife in front of his face- "to make sure no one can ever kick you there again."

And the guy immediately forced himself to get up and run, not even trying to get his knife back.

"Th-thank you," Castiel said quietly. "But... I don't understand what you meant... With the knife..."

Dean laughed a little. "Nothing, Cas. I refuse to take away the rest of your innocence. Now come on, we should get you cleaned up."

Dean helped Castiel up, and allowed him to lean on him as they walked.

"So... What happened?" Dean questioned.

Castiel took a shaky breath before answering. "Those are the guys from my old school. They see me sometimes and yell things at me but I usually get away. They've never been able to catch me like that before."

"Oh my God. You should have told someone, Cas."

"They weren't  _really_  doing anything... The last time they seriously hurt me was before I switched schools," Castiel replied. "When my mom told the principal about that, that's when she decided I needed someone in all my classes to help me out and make sure I was okay. And that person just happened to be you."

 _I'm so glad it was,_  Dean thought to himself, and then he started to feel really awful again about what had happened before Castiel left his house. He freaking  _punched_  him right before these other guys came along and practically tried to kill them. Would they have gone that far? It didn't seem unlikely. Cas wouldn't be able to tell on them if he was dead. No matter what they would have done, Dean was just thankful that he got there before it got any worse. 

"Okay, you know what we're going to do? We're going to stop at this place and clean you up," Dean decided as they stopped in front of some fast food place. It didn't look very busy- by now most people were finished breakfast and had already gotten their morning coffee. Dean's house was still a little far away, and the cut on Castiel's forehead looked like it could get infected, so this was the best option.

Dean helped Castiel into the restaurant and had him sit down at a booth. Dean had only twenty dollars, but he bought Cas some hot coffee (which he seemed extremely grateful for) and told him to stay put while he got some bandages from the pharmacy place across the street.

After Dean returned and Castiel finished his coffee (his hands were still shaking a bit, so there were puddles of it on the table) they went into the bathroom. It was one of those bathrooms where instead of a bunch of small stalls, there was just one large stall, so it worked out pretty well. 

"Sit down on the toilet seat," Dean instructed, and Castiel obeyed. "This is going to sting a little at first, but I have to do it, okay?"

Castiel nodded and Dean got some paper towels and ran them under some warm water. He added a little bit of soap and then gently attempted to somewhat clean Cas's cut, pushing some strands of hair out of the way. Castiel balled his hands into fists and bit his lip, not complaining about the pain at all. After Dean decided that this was the best he was going to do, he put a bandage over the cut and got a new paper towel. He ran it under some more warm water and cleaned the dried blood off of Castiel's face and hands. The whole time, Cas stayed quiet, and kept his eyes closed for the most part.

"Is that a little better?" Dean questioned.

Castiel opened his eyes and nodded. "Yes. That's much better. Thank you, Dean."

"Don't thank me. I owe it to you. I really am sorry, Cas."

"It's alright. Apology accepted."

Dean stayed quiet for a few dragged out seconds, not quite sure how to say what he wanted to say. "Cas... You're my best friend. And I want you to be able to tell me things."

"But... You'll worry, and I can't let you worry," Castiel argued.

"Yeah, I get that you don't want me to worry, but if there's something wrong and you don't tell me and I have to find out like that, that kinda hurts me, Cas. You were in danger." Dean paused before continuing. "I guess there's something I should have told you, too, maybe. I have a lot of nightmares, and you're in 'em, sometimes. I think the thing I'm scared of the most... More than ghosts and demons and monsters... Is losing you. I never want to lose you, Cas."

"I don't want to lose you, either, Dean," Castiel agreed quietly. "So I'm going to tell you things."

"You-"

"I like the color blue," Castiel interrupted. "My favorite subject is English. I'm almost fluent in Russian. I love clothes that are too big for me. I don't watch a lot of movies, but I really love the previews for them... The ones that have meaningful quotes from the characters and they pick the perfect song and it's very inspirational. Because it makes you feel good, I think. And my favorite animals are bees."

Dean smiled. "You're awesome, Cas, you know that?"

"There's another thing," Castiel told him. "When we were walking here and I was leaning on you, I probably didn't need to do that the whole time. I'm in pain, but I think I could have managed it. It was not totally necessary, I just enjoyed it."

Dean understood that. He wondered when the last time Castiel was close to someone was, the last time someone let him lean on them or the last time someone leaned on him. The last time someone hugged him, gave him any type of positive human contact. 

"Like I said. You're awesome, Cas."

As the two friends were walking home, Castiel told Dean a bunch of other things about himself that he probably didn't tell anyone, probably not even Gabriel. They were just simple things- foods he hated, why he liked cold weather better than warm weather, what lines from songs stuck with him the most. None of it annoyed Dean. In fact, he paid extremely close attention as if it was the most important information he'd ever received in his life. And the whole time they walked, Dean made sure his arm was touching Cas's. Because they both needed that.

~

Once they arrived at Dean's house, they saw the Impala parked in front of the house and Sam leaning against it.

"Hey, Sammy," Dean greeted. "Have fun?"

Sam smiled, and he looked genuinely happy. "Yeah. Dad's inside sleeping, but it was great. I never get to spend time with him and Uncle Bobby like that. I'm gonna go in, okay?"

Dean nodded. "Yeah, sure. I'll meet you in there in a little while."

So Sam went inside, and Dean looked at Castiel. "Cas, there's a song I want to listen to with you."

"Okay, Dean."

"Sit in the back seat, alright?"

"The... back?"

"Yeah. I'll put the song on and then sit with you."

"Okay..."

Castiel was a little confused, but he got in the back of the Impala while Dean started the car and searched around for the right tape. He knew they had it. When he finally found the one he was looking for, he put it in and skipped around until he finally found the right song and then quickly sat in the back with his friend.

"Okay. Okay, this is my song to you," Dean told Castiel. He sat close enough so that their arms were pressed against each other and listened to the beginning of the song- their song.

_I'm alone_

_Yeah, I don't know if I can face the night_

_I'm in tears, and the cryin' that I do is for you_

"Dean, this is..."

"Just keep listening."

_I want your love - Let's break the walls between us_

_Don't make it tough - I'll put away my pride_

_Enough's enough- I've suffered and I've seen the light_

"Dean..."

"Sh."

_Baby_

_You're my angel_

_Come and save me tonight_

_You're my angel_

_Come and make it all right_

Castiel looked at Dean, and for the first time, Dean saw him actually cry. 

"C'mon, just keep listening, Angel."

_Don't know what I'm gonna do_

_About this feeling inside_

_Yes, it's true - Loneliness took me for a ride_

By now Dean had his arm around Castiel, who was silently crying and getting Dean's shirt all wet in the process. 

_Without your love - I'm nothing but a begger_

_Without your love - a dog without a bone_

_What can I do - I'm sleeping in this bed alone_

Dean put his other arm around Castiel and held him close like no one probably ever had before. He started lip syncing with the chorus.

_You're the reason I live_

_You're the reason I die_

_You're the reason I give_

_When I break down and cry_

_Don't need no reason why_

Now Dean was crying, as well. Castiel reached up to wipe his cheek with the sleeve of his coat, and there it was- he was smiling. He was smiling and it was beautiful and there was nothing like it in the world. 

"You look so happy, Cas."

"I  _am_  so happy, Dean."

_Baby , Baby_

_You're my angel_

_Come and save me tonight_

**_You're my_ _angel..._ **

And as Castiel cried some more, Dean kissed the top of his head. Because, okay, maybe he was a  _little_ in love. If he could make Castiel smile like that more often, which he was now very confident that he could, then he'd be happy for the rest of his life. Just the thought made him cry again and hold Castiel tighter.

"It's alright, Dean."

"I know it is, Angel."

-end-


End file.
